What I've Learned...

Doing my circles first thing in the morning, before I make my breakfast, is a little like doing “Morning Pages” from Julia Cameron's “The Artist’s Way”: it clears the deck for me. I can’t focus on anything except what wants to appear next. It’s a great way to keep the monkey brain and all my “to do” lists at bay. When I’m done, I can begin my day with a clean slate. 

Making circles has been a very humbling practice. Regardless of whatever medium I use, I have no control despite my best efforts. What I see in my mind’s eye rarely makes it on the page! Often something else entirely different but really interesting and sometimes beautiful appears. Other times not so much. This is good for me! It allows me to practice letting go off the outcome (my ego attachments!) and just allowing whatever it will be. 

Starting with a blank square is alone a good practice in sitting with the discomfort of not knowing, learning to trust that whatever wants to appear will appear. I’ve learned to sit with and eventually work thru resistance. Having the final result not be even close to what I envisioned, or even turn out “ugly”, is another form of allowing me to practice releasing discomfort. 

Since I’m “not allowed” to throw anything out, I have to keep the ones I don’t like. That’s hard! Ego doesn’t want anyone to see the uglies. I might be judged for them, horrors! Interestingly 9 times out of 10, a few days or weeks or months later, I tend to fall in love with the ones I don’t like. 

When I get stuck, or when nothing “appears” in my mind’s eye, I’ve learned a lot of good tricks to get moving. Cultivating my curiosity has expanded my repertoire for what is possible, technique-wise and artistically-speaking-wise, allowing me to continue finding enjoyment with this practice.

Since there’s not supposed to be story or meaning assigned to our circles, that means there’s less to get attached to. Even so, I watch myself get attached to what I’ve created. I watch myself become afraid of “ruining it!” That’s when the practice of “deliberately ruining something” is so helpful. If that’s the goal, then ego can still be “a good girl” and do a good job at ruining it! That’s when me and ego are working together and not getting in each other’s way. 

The task of making a circle is the constraint. I mean, I could ignore it and do anything I want. But I’ve learned, for me anyway, that having ultimate freedom to do anything at all leads to paralysis. Having a constraint – or, putting it another way, a container – gives me something to work with. It opens up possibility. It opens up my curiosity: What can be done in this space that hasn’t been done before? How many ways can we do something new, interesting, or even horrible? We’re in a prison of this small 6 x 6 space and that’s so freeing!